


the worst most tragic most despair inducing group chat in human history

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Jokes, Crushes, Dirty Jokes, Group chat, Humor, Makoto "fucking savage" naegi, Morbid Humor, Multi, Random Fun Facts, Sexual Humor, chat fic, dicc, its four am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-01 15:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: [dicktective_gayouko]Celestia ludickburg[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]CURSED[sinnimonroll]Cursed dicc[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]I HAVE NEVER SUCKED DICK IN MY LIFE[sinnimonroll]She's a lesbian, Harold





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sayaka = sa(d)aka~maizoNO  
> Chihiro = sinnimonroll  
> Kirigiri = dicktective_gayouko  
> Makoto = wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent  
> Celestia = GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens  
> Togami = BigDickBigWallet  
> Mondo = butter-man

_sa(d)aka~maizoNO has entered the chat_

_dicktective_gayouko has entered the chat_

_wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent has entered the chat_

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Who chose these names

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Judging by how no one was here, and the only one who can hack, id say chihiro.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
Well, at least mines accurate!

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Concern

_sinnimonroll has entered the chat_

[sinnimonroll]  
=3c

[sinnimonroll]  
How do you like your names? I added a bit of your personality to each of them!

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Really? Because. If so, I have a few questions on how you see me

[sinnamonroll]  
Dicks

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
NO ILLEGAL

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Dicks?

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
NO !!!! You shouldn't be saying such language!!

[sinnamonroll]  
But dicks, sayaka, dicks!

_GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens has entered the chat_

[sinnamonroll]  
DICKS!!!!!

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
…….

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
I suddenly regret joining

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Celestia ludickburg

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
CURSED

[sinnimonroll]  
Cursed dicc

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
I HAVE NEVER SUCKED DICK IN MY LIFE

[sinnimonroll]  
She's a lesbian, Harold

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Actually, I am.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
Does this mean I have a chance

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
I said I was a lesbian, not that I didn't have standards.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
I would have never guessed from your clothes. off brand is so below the cut. I can't believe you're a fake Lolita.

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
What. Did you just say?

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
This is going to hell quicker than I thought it would

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Sayaka stop picking fights, u got me and makoto, u don't need huffy Old celestia.

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Are you implying that you three are dating?

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Yes.

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Why? Do you happen to have a crush on someone?

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
No, not at all.

_BigDickBigWallet has entered the chat_

[BigDickBigWallet]  
Who set my name

[sinnimonroll]  
;3

[BigDickBigWallet]  
I AM BYAKUYA TOGAMI AIR TO THE TOGAMI CORPORATION AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS.

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Then sit the fuck down, asshole.

[BigDickBigWallet]  
What was that, you Lolita brat?

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
We all know if it was Naegi you would be perfectly fine with being called whatever. Don't even try to deny it, I see how you look at him. It's almost the same way you look at money. I have to say, I expected better taste of you.

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Wait what

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Oh my! As oblivious as always, Naegi.

[BigDickBigWallet]  
Says the one who has a crush on that stone faced detective!

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
You must have me confused with someone else.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
I mean who doesn't have a crush on Naegi and kyouko they're amazing

[sinnimonroll]  
That's fucking gay

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
wHO TAUGHT MY BABY HOW TO CURSE

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
CHIHIRO IS A PURE BEING WHO DID THIS

[sinnimonroll]  
Makoto fucking Naegi

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
WHAT DID YOU DO

_wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent has left the chat_

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
You're not getting away that easily

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
Brb I need to go find my knife

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Please do not kill our boyfriend.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
You're no fun

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
But nah I'm not gonna he'd probably just moan anyways if I stabbed him

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
I did not need to know this.

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
You'd rather I spill kyoukos kinks huh

_GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens has left the chat_

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
Yeah that's right

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
Run fucker

[dicktective_gayouko]  
You do realize that chihiro is still here, right?

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
sHIT

[sinnamonroll]  
Sayaka, what's a fucker?

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
uHHH GTG BYE

_sa(d)aka~maizoNO has left the chat_

[dicktective_gayouko]  
I hope she doesn't kill makoto when she's gone. That would be unfortunate.

_butter-man has joined the chat_

[butter-man]  
What the fuck happened here

[sinnimonroll]  
Dicks, mondo, giant, big, dicks.

[butter-man]  
Chihiro

[butter-man]  
It's three am man

[butter-man]  
Go the fuck to sleep

[sinnimonroll]  
hISSS 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Junkfuck has entered the chat_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [junkfuck]  
> Wow, am I to late to rag on togami?

_sa(d)aka~maizoNO has entered the chat_

_dicktective_gayouko has entered the chat_

_GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens has entered the chat_

_wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent has entered the chat_

_BigDickBigWallet has entered the cha_ t

  
[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Wait, so kirigiri sayaka and Celeste are dating now?

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Oh my, seems I'm miss steal your girl.

[dicktective_gayouko]  
No you're not. We're dating you, but still dating Naegi, and each other.

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Wait, so we're all dating except me and Celeste?

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Essentially, yes.

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Cool

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
It seems like everyone has gotten what they want! Except togami. Not that he matters.

[BigDickBigWallet]  
Naegi is probably straight, anyways.

[wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent]  
Wait when the flying fuck did I say I was straight

_sa(d)aka~maizoNO has changed wellslapmyassandcallmealuckystudent name to stop_

[stop]  
Hey! Chihiros not here I can curse

[sa(d)aka~maizoNO]  
I wil skin u

[stop]  
……my first reaction was hot and honestly I'm shaming myself

_sa(d)aka~maizoNO has left the chat_

[stop]  
That's fair

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Remember when makoto was innocent? What happened to that?

[dicktective_gayouko]  
He has never been innocent on the inside

[stop]  
I have never felt more self loathing

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
…anyways, moving on from whatever that was

[BigDickBigWallet]  
Wait no rewind back to the point where Naegi isn't straight

[stop]  
Oh yeah I'm pan and poly

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
Are you perhaps wondering if maybe he would be interested in you?

[stop]  
Oh well uh

[stop]  
You're great and all but

[stop]  
Uh

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Savage

_Junkfuck has entered the chat_

[junkfuck]  
Wow, am I to late to rag on togami?

[BigDickBigWallet]  
I will sue you all

[junkfuck]  
Go ahead and try, I'm pretty sure if I wanted to I could plunge the world into despair, you suing me is small fry.

[stop]  
Why would you ever plunge the world into despair tjo

[stop]  
*tho

[junkfuck]  
Why not

[stop]  
O shit tru

[junkfuck]  
Anyways

[junkfuck]  
I heard togami fucks money

[BigDickBigWallet]  
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

_BigDickBigWallet has left the chat_

[junkfuck]  
Lol

_Soldier_corpse has entered the chat_

[Soldier_corpse]  
Junko

[Soldier_corspe]  
There's some lawyers on the phone

[stop]  
O shit hes actually suing y'all wow

[Soldier_corpse]  
What did you do this time

[junkfuck]  
Whaattt? Nothingg! I'm completely innocent

[GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens]  
You? Innocent? I didn't know you could tell jokes.

_Junkfuck as changed GetTheFuckOutOfMySightHeathens name to burnbitch_

[junkfuck]  
As a matter of fact

[junkfuck]  
I can

[junkfuck]  
I'm the master of irony

[stop]  
I don't get it

[junkfuck]  
It's a inside joke only mukuro know

[Soldier_corpse]  
Why are you like this

[junkfuck]  
It's probably the trauma

[burnbitch]  
Just want you to know I hate all of you

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Thanks I love you too ludickburg

[burnbitch]  
go to hell

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Already there

[stop]  
Why are you all still up its five am

[junkfuck]  
Despair never sleeps

[stop]  
Sure ok but _S L E E P_

[junkfuck]  
No fuck you

[Soldier_corpse]  
Don't worry about her, I'll get her to bed.

[stop]  
Sounds good

[junkfuck]  
hOLY SHIT TAHTS A FUCKUBF BAT

[junkfuck]  
GUAY HELP

[junkfuck]  
NO FALEOT

_junkfuck has left the chat_

[dicktective_gayouko]  
It appears that junko is dead.

[Soldier_corpse]  
Don't worry i just knocked her out

[dicktective_gayouko]  
Then I suggest taking her to the hospital because unlike in movies, you can't brush off blunt force trauma. The strength that would be needed to knock her out would cause serious issues, and she could die hours later. Movies are full of lies and plot holes.

[stop]  
Holy shit

[Soldier_corpse]  
I did not whack my sister with a bat. Who do you think I am? No, the bat was a diversion. I used chloroform.

[dicktective_gayouko]  
I see. Carry on.

[stop]  
I feel like I just witnessed something that was way too casual

[Soldier_corpse]  
Real siblings knock each other out with sleeping gas

[stop]  
As a brother I feel like that is very much Not True

[Soldier_corpse]  
It's totally true. Get on our level.

_Soldier_corpse has left the chat_

[stop]  
Sometimes I worry about those two

[burnbitch]  
This. This is hell.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [burnbitch]  
> We're dating, sayaka.
> 
> [sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
> STILL

[stop]  
Is anyone else worried? The school seems to be..

[stop]  
Restless, lately.

[burnbitch]  
That's true, yes. Supposedly the reserve course students are rioting. Junko has been acting odder than usual too.

[burnbitch]  
I would say that the reserve course students were just being ungrateful, but…

[stop]  
But?

[burnbitch]  
I've heard some.. concerning rumors. They don't hold much merit, they are just rumors, but they are cause for concern.

[burnbitch]  
The school is probably going to go through a lot of changes, or even be shut down. We need to be adaptable.

[stop]  
That's true I guess

[stop]  
Hey, have you noticed kyouko being more distant, too? She told me her dad was making her investigate something, do you think that's something to ask her about?

[burnbitch]  
Maybe, but you know how kyouko is. Secrets, and her job, come first.

[stop]  
I'm sure that's not true.

[burnbitch]  
She's a detective first, Naegi. It's fine. I'm fine with it, it's just the simple truth.

[burnbitch]  
What I'm more worried is how lately mukuro hasn't been coming in. That, couples with junko acting weird, is… concerning.

[stop]   
Do you think something happened to her? Should we check on her? Is she ok?

[burnbitch]  
I'm going to be honest here, which is something I don't do often. I don't know.

[stop]  
….honest, huh? The situations that bad, is it?

[burnbitch]  
Ha ha. Very funny. But, yes.

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
….you're acting like it'll be the end of the world or something. We're an important school, yeah, but even if we close down we'll survive. Hey, how about I bring you guys on tour if that happens? It'll be great for you to meet my bandmates!

[stop]  
Do you threaten to stab them too

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
As a matter of fact, no. That's reserved for you and leon.

[stop]  
I feel special

[burnbitch]  
…...we were having a serious conversation and you do this. I swear.

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
>;p

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
U love me

[burnbitch]  
…….maybe.

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
THAYS GAY HOLY SHIT I DIDNT EXCPET THAT

[burnbitch]  
We're dating, sayaka.

[sa(d)yaka~miazoNO]  
STILL

[stop]  
Yall r fucking dorks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone realize this doesn't have a non despair tag?
> 
> Also yeah those are references to dr0 but like they're not that big references so yeah


End file.
